First Time Brother

"welcome home, Bro"

Most kids grow up with siblings. I, however, was one of life’s rarities that grew up alone. Now, I don’t mean alone in the sense that I was an orphan, or a pariah. But, I had no siblings in my home to grow up and experience life with. No I am not a real “only child,” I do have two older brothers who are both nearly 20 years my senior.  (C. Casullo)However, one of my brothers, Aaron, lived in Chicago, Illinois and my other brother, AJ, has a life of his own. Needless to say, until my brother Aaron moved back to NY, I saw both brothers very sparingly and more on the basis that once would see an acquaintance or distant cousin.

It is my brother Aaron with whom I have been bale to reconnect, however. Two months ago he came to New York with the desire to live here. At first, I was kind of ambivalent to the idea and the fact that he was going to be living in my house didn’t seem to click in my mind. It was weird at first. I wasn’t used to there being anyone in my house except my parents, and when he began cooking I was shell shocked. For the first time, in nearly my whole life I was having full meals, including a main dish, vegetables, and other sides and often dessert.

Well, I began to get to know my brother. The more I spent time with him, the more I grew warm to the idea of having a brother. I can remember repressed childhood memories of desiring to have a sibling, of any kind really, with which I could share the often lonely life an only child can endure. But, as I grew older I told myself it was better to be alone, and I set up plenty of reasons for this ideal.

However, my brother and I began to form a connection. It was the first time I had felt this type of connection with someone of my own family that felt like more of a friendship. I began looking forward to arriving home, or having free time to spend it with my brother. It was perhaps that reason that the holidays felt so different to me this year, I had more family than usually and really new family, to share them with.

I began to experience what I had only seen with my friends and watched on TV, a brotherly relationship. Even when I got annoyed with him, and he with me, I longed to experience and relished the new emotions they brought.

For the first time in my life I experienced what it meant to be a brother. Despite having two, since I was born I had never felt like I had a sibling, or even understood the relationship and connection that comes with the concept. As a teenager, I often think I am supposed to be immature and do things which are socially unacceptable to adults. However, as an only child I feel more pressure to feel accepted by adults than kids my own age and especially by my parents.

Recently, with my brother here and living in my home, our home, I have felt for the first time when we are together I can let go and be a kid. When it’s just us, me and my bro, I can feel just like the kid I think I try to repress and get rid so often. It’s like the fix I have always wondered about but never experienced. For the first time in my life, at 18 years old, I have a brother and I can’t believe I spent my life never knowing what it was like.

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